Post by *~Meltin~* on Jul 2, 2009 12:07:46 GMT -5
Shadows of the Sun
By~ Meltingsnow
Ok, I'm wrighting a story, but I'm not even finished with the first chapter. But, before I go on I'm going to post what I have here and seen what you say. Please comment and be truthful!
Chapter 1~ The Fight
Jamie Fledge~
I walked along the edge of the crystal-clear pool, trying to keep my balance like a five-year old did- with my hands stretched out, and carefully placing one foot in front of the other. I knew that is anyone had seen me like this- especially the kids at school- they would laugh and point. But they weren’t here, no one was here, it was just me.
The woods that surrounded me was silent. But not frightingly silent, peaceful….
Well, that’s what I thought. Suddenly there was a piercing cry- howl- from the woods. My balance slipped as fast a the horribly disturbing cry had begun. I plunged, head first, into the pool. I knew what was going to happen. The pool was so clear I could easily see the shallow cement flooring.
The next instant everything went black. Even in unconsciousness, I could feel my lungs protesting as they tried to suck in air, but only got water. I prayed from my consciences to disappear so the pain could go with it. I tried unsuccessfully to push it away from me. The seconds ticked by, the pain in my chest grew hotter and more pronounced.
Finally, the pain ebbed. I would have sighed if it wasn’t for the fact that I had no air to release from my lungs. My mind became fuzzy and confused… seconds later it became blank and unthinking.
Then in the blackness that had swallowed me I felt a small tug- I realized it was a sharp tug, but I just couldn’t feel the roughness of it.
Another. Then another… and I was hanging in the air by the collar of my jacket. My limp body hung like a wet dishrag.
After a second I started coughing of spitting up water. My eyes opened slowly, only to close again as soon as I saw how far I was from the ground. Well, it was only ten, eleven feet, but I was terrified of heights. I could never even get on the third-story of a house.
I told myself not to scream, it wouldn’t do any good. But it didn’t work. I screamed until I heard a growl and my feet touched the soft soil.
Turning slowly, and looked up about five feet. Towering over me was a wolf. A big, fluffy, pure white wolf with blue eyes that matched mine. It’s eyes gleamed, it bared its teeth- it almost looked like a smile- and I screamed.
Jamie gasped and her eyes flung open. Her breath came in short, fast intervals.
It was just a dream.
Closing her eyes, sighing, and wiping away the sweat from her clammy forehead at the same time her mind began to race.
She’d had this dream so many times before that it was becoming part of her routine. Sitting up, she crossed her legs, trying to determine the meaning of her dream. When she was a kid, whenever she would have a terrible, reoccurring nightmare-which happened a lot after the accident- that if you could determine the meaning of the dream, then resolve the problem, it would cease.
Jamie had had no bad experiences with wolfs- personally she had never seen one except at the zoo when she was five. And that was about eleven years ago. Also that wolf was a beautiful russet color, with hazel eyes, not the bright, creepy blue of that wolf. And the wolf at the zoo- Shela- had been normal size. But, one thing had disturbed her the most, the bright, creepy eyes were the exact same color as Jamie’s.
Another thing was the fact she had loved wolfs before this. When she had seen Shela, all cooped up with the wolf trainers tossing in substitute meat… she had been sick to her stomach with pity. Shela and her pups deserved to live in the wild with live deer and the wide open, with no tourists taking flash photography. The bright flashes disturbing the four pups that slept close to her stomach.
Jamie had actually cried when she had seen Shela draw her pups close so that they could drink.
When the shrill sound of her cheap, Wal-Mart bought alarm clock disturbed her thoughts, she stood and stretched her stiff limbs. Time for school. Jamie groaned.
CEDAR HILL HIGH SCHOOL, FOR THE BETTER EDUCATION OF OUR CHILDEN.
WOW! Very original! Jamie thought as she closed in on the school.
Cedar Hill was located on the peak of a flat topped hill. Luckily though, the hill wasn’t that steep. Her car couldn’t take that.
Well… her car was new… about fifteen years ago. The black jeep wasn’t a horrible car, though. It worked fine, and got her to where she wanted to go. It might not run like new, but it was close enough to new as new she’s was going to get.
She began to make a left turn when, on a reflex reaction she slammed on the brakes. Her car skidded to a stop. A red convertible sped past her as if the driver hadn’t noticed her jeep. The corvette- she realized it was a corvette when it slowed to turn into a parking space- was shining in the morning sun light, and the tinted windows were tinted enough so that she couldn’t see into the car.
Her jeep followed the car to the farthest side of the parking lot. Jamie was late, that was the only reason she would park this far away.
As she drove her car past the shiny convertible, her eyes flickered to the car, and all she could see were to shadowy figures in the front seats. They didn’t move- just sat there in the car.
Jamie kept driving and parked in a spot a little farther away. She removed herself from the jeep and speed hurriedly across the parking lot to the steps that led to the courtyard.
She climbed the twelve steps to the wide courtyard and up five more steps to the double doors that led her into the halls of Cedar Hill High School.
Maneuvering her way through the seniors, she past a group of juniors, and almost tumbled over a group of sophomores. They all looked at her with appraising eyes, then laughed (or snorted). But she ignored them all and made her way to her locker.
Jutting between the air vents of the beat up, sickly green locker was a piece of folded paper. Jamie reached for it, but was intercepted by a tanned hand, that quickly grabbed the note and unfolded it.
At first Jamie was mad, but then she saw the face that went to the arm. Skyler.
By~ Meltingsnow
Ok, I'm wrighting a story, but I'm not even finished with the first chapter. But, before I go on I'm going to post what I have here and seen what you say. Please comment and be truthful!
Chapter 1~ The Fight
Jamie Fledge~
I walked along the edge of the crystal-clear pool, trying to keep my balance like a five-year old did- with my hands stretched out, and carefully placing one foot in front of the other. I knew that is anyone had seen me like this- especially the kids at school- they would laugh and point. But they weren’t here, no one was here, it was just me.
The woods that surrounded me was silent. But not frightingly silent, peaceful….
Well, that’s what I thought. Suddenly there was a piercing cry- howl- from the woods. My balance slipped as fast a the horribly disturbing cry had begun. I plunged, head first, into the pool. I knew what was going to happen. The pool was so clear I could easily see the shallow cement flooring.
The next instant everything went black. Even in unconsciousness, I could feel my lungs protesting as they tried to suck in air, but only got water. I prayed from my consciences to disappear so the pain could go with it. I tried unsuccessfully to push it away from me. The seconds ticked by, the pain in my chest grew hotter and more pronounced.
Finally, the pain ebbed. I would have sighed if it wasn’t for the fact that I had no air to release from my lungs. My mind became fuzzy and confused… seconds later it became blank and unthinking.
Then in the blackness that had swallowed me I felt a small tug- I realized it was a sharp tug, but I just couldn’t feel the roughness of it.
Another. Then another… and I was hanging in the air by the collar of my jacket. My limp body hung like a wet dishrag.
After a second I started coughing of spitting up water. My eyes opened slowly, only to close again as soon as I saw how far I was from the ground. Well, it was only ten, eleven feet, but I was terrified of heights. I could never even get on the third-story of a house.
I told myself not to scream, it wouldn’t do any good. But it didn’t work. I screamed until I heard a growl and my feet touched the soft soil.
Turning slowly, and looked up about five feet. Towering over me was a wolf. A big, fluffy, pure white wolf with blue eyes that matched mine. It’s eyes gleamed, it bared its teeth- it almost looked like a smile- and I screamed.
Jamie gasped and her eyes flung open. Her breath came in short, fast intervals.
It was just a dream.
Closing her eyes, sighing, and wiping away the sweat from her clammy forehead at the same time her mind began to race.
She’d had this dream so many times before that it was becoming part of her routine. Sitting up, she crossed her legs, trying to determine the meaning of her dream. When she was a kid, whenever she would have a terrible, reoccurring nightmare-which happened a lot after the accident- that if you could determine the meaning of the dream, then resolve the problem, it would cease.
Jamie had had no bad experiences with wolfs- personally she had never seen one except at the zoo when she was five. And that was about eleven years ago. Also that wolf was a beautiful russet color, with hazel eyes, not the bright, creepy blue of that wolf. And the wolf at the zoo- Shela- had been normal size. But, one thing had disturbed her the most, the bright, creepy eyes were the exact same color as Jamie’s.
Another thing was the fact she had loved wolfs before this. When she had seen Shela, all cooped up with the wolf trainers tossing in substitute meat… she had been sick to her stomach with pity. Shela and her pups deserved to live in the wild with live deer and the wide open, with no tourists taking flash photography. The bright flashes disturbing the four pups that slept close to her stomach.
Jamie had actually cried when she had seen Shela draw her pups close so that they could drink.
When the shrill sound of her cheap, Wal-Mart bought alarm clock disturbed her thoughts, she stood and stretched her stiff limbs. Time for school. Jamie groaned.
CEDAR HILL HIGH SCHOOL, FOR THE BETTER EDUCATION OF OUR CHILDEN.
WOW! Very original! Jamie thought as she closed in on the school.
Cedar Hill was located on the peak of a flat topped hill. Luckily though, the hill wasn’t that steep. Her car couldn’t take that.
Well… her car was new… about fifteen years ago. The black jeep wasn’t a horrible car, though. It worked fine, and got her to where she wanted to go. It might not run like new, but it was close enough to new as new she’s was going to get.
She began to make a left turn when, on a reflex reaction she slammed on the brakes. Her car skidded to a stop. A red convertible sped past her as if the driver hadn’t noticed her jeep. The corvette- she realized it was a corvette when it slowed to turn into a parking space- was shining in the morning sun light, and the tinted windows were tinted enough so that she couldn’t see into the car.
Her jeep followed the car to the farthest side of the parking lot. Jamie was late, that was the only reason she would park this far away.
As she drove her car past the shiny convertible, her eyes flickered to the car, and all she could see were to shadowy figures in the front seats. They didn’t move- just sat there in the car.
Jamie kept driving and parked in a spot a little farther away. She removed herself from the jeep and speed hurriedly across the parking lot to the steps that led to the courtyard.
She climbed the twelve steps to the wide courtyard and up five more steps to the double doors that led her into the halls of Cedar Hill High School.
Maneuvering her way through the seniors, she past a group of juniors, and almost tumbled over a group of sophomores. They all looked at her with appraising eyes, then laughed (or snorted). But she ignored them all and made her way to her locker.
Jutting between the air vents of the beat up, sickly green locker was a piece of folded paper. Jamie reached for it, but was intercepted by a tanned hand, that quickly grabbed the note and unfolded it.
At first Jamie was mad, but then she saw the face that went to the arm. Skyler.
